No Take Backs!

I don’t want to make a whole big thing out of it, but I feel like I’m ready to share something here.  Again.  Krissie wrote about how tiring and emotionally exhausting it is to keep writing and lamenting about the stupid cycle a lot of people are trapped in.  I feel that way, too.  Which is why I didn’t even want to mention it.  But I know I have a few readers who used to come here for a very specific purpose.  They came here to read about how I was doing in the world of weight and health.

It’s hard to write about that all of the time because, like everything else in life, there are good days and un-good days.  Sharing the un-good days makes me feel like I’ve let people down.  Sharing the good days almost feels like pressure to keep having ONLY high points.

It’s like my academic performance.  Maintaining a 4.0 is extremely uncomfortable and angst riddled.  It’s stressful and awful and, frankly, the returns aren’t worth it.  A scholarship is nice but I’ve decided that my sanity and emotional/physical health are much nicer.  So I’m approaching this semester with a new attitude.  I just want to be comfortable.  Not too perfect, not struggling to maintain that perfection.  4.0 will be nice if it happens but I’m not going to kill myself to get there.  I’d rather earn my degree and be healthy and happy instead of popping pills to ease headaches and help me sleep.  I’d rather be smiling instead of dealing with backaches and piling on twenty pounds of emotional comfort food.

Anyway.  This is all a really long way of telling you that I went ahead and lost fifteen pounds on my summer vacation.  That’s an average of five pounds a month.  Back in the day, that wouldn’t have been enough for me.  I would have been frustrated that the weight was coming off so slowly.  But I realize that if I would have just kept going and been satisfied with even the tiniest losses all of those other times before, I wouldn’t have a weight problem now.  Basically, I’m comfortable with the rate, comfortable with the pace, loving the peace of mind that I’m doing something right, even if I’m doing it slowly.

I was afraid to write about it here because I illogically thought that I would jinx my progress.  Because every time I went on and on about what I’d lost or how I’d been doing well, I inevitably would struggle the next few days/weeks.  So I kept quiet for most of the summer.  I went for bike rides** and tracked my food and ate birthday cake and had dinners out with my family.  I went to a concert and had weekends away.  I lived offline and it was good.

And really, there is no jinx here.  I am the one in control.  No head games this time.  I’m doing it right, publicly or not.

** By the way, I’ve reached the top of that ONE MILE hill at least four times since that post.  I just have neglected to tote the camera along.  And then I decided that the full glory of it would probably best be seen when the leaves are changing colors.  The pictures are still coming…they’ll just be a little later than originally planned.  But believe me, you’ll love them!

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