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Tangle

I’m feeling restless and agitated.  Summer break is turning out to be a ball of anxiety laden free time.  Poor me, I know!  Poor little girl with all the time in the world!  Also?  My diamond shoes are too tight.

Apparently, I’m the type of person that needs some structure.  Ugh, I hate that about me.  But it isn’t like I’m crazy anal and need every minute of every day scheduled, because that would ALSO drive me bananas.  I can relax with the best of them and I’m an Olympian napper.  But if I don’t have at least one thing to do every other day or so, I get a little…fidgety.  Hhmm…maybe school made me this way.  Higher learning with all of the deadlines and projects and classes to attend.  Yeah.  I’ll blame it on school.

So!  How to get through this summer without losing my mind?  I’ve taken a lot of call at the hospital.  I should probably get outside more.  The house?  It always has a surface somewhere that is begging to be cleaned, dusted, mopped or otherwise washed.

When I sit in the recliner and watch television for the third hour in a row I start to get frustrated and angry and I can never quite put my finger on why I am feeling that way.  Mostly I’m angry and frustrated at MYSELF for not DOING something with my time.  Just because I don’t HAVE to leave my house doesn’t mean I SHOULDN’T.  (Okay, I’ll stop it with the capital letters.)

But, yeah.  I get angry and then numb it and dive into another episode of House.  And then a commercial break comes up and I think I really want a cigarette and I want to order a pizza and then maybe make brownies.  Then I remember that, wait a minute, no that won’t work at all.  And I get frustrated and angry and then the commercials are over and I numb myself.  Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

Awareness is good.  I’m aware of this cycle.

I guess I’ll go to the gym then.

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