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‘Twas A Dark And Stormy Night…

I went and paid a rather uncharming woman $6.50 so that I could sob in the dark for two hours.  My Sister’s Keeper is…well, I imagine it’s what hell must be like.  Except this theater had more weeping and death.  I tell ya, the things I do to keep the roommate happy…  (TOTALLY know you’re reading this, Dawn!  Hearts!)

We went to a bookstore and I picked up The Raw Food Detox Diet book by Natalia Rose.  I’m excited and nervous and–more than anything–thrilled that my perspective has shot back into place regarding healthy eating.  I also picked up The End Of Overeating by David Kessler.  I have a feeling I will be horrified by how much poison I’ve shoved down my gullet in the last 15 years.

And then!  We were driving home and it was lightning.  Mother Nature was putting on quite the show!  Did you know that she is kind of a sadistic freak?!  Because she distracted me.  And I almost killed a kitten!

For those of you who don’t know me, and let’s face it, there are millions of you, I’m what one would call an Animal Person.  I am kuckoo for cows!  I brake for deer, possum, raccoon and anything else that may cross my path!  Except kittens during a lightshow, apparently.

The horrifying clunk-chunk-crash under the tires of my Focus made my blood stand still.  I screamed.  Dawn screamed.  I pulled over, turned on my hazard light, and buried my face in my hands and bawled.  I mean I did the full-on UGLY CRY.  Snot, tears, choking on air…the whole bit.

After about ten minutes I composed myself enough and realized that I had to go back.  

Dawn didn’t want us to turn around.  She said no good could come of it.  But I needed to see what happened.  I either wanted the cat to be perfectly fine or completely smeared across the road.  Smeared=instant death and no pain.  Fine=there is a God.

I had to turn the car around to look.  I had to make sure that little fuzzy being wasn’t suffering.  My vet has an emergency 24 hour line and you bet your butt I would have pulled her out of bed to euthanize the poor baby if that is what it took to ease the pain.  The kittens, not mine.  No, my pain would have to be tempered with some valium and few shots of tequila.  Healthy life be damned because THIS was an exception to the organic/raw/whole food rule.

All I found in the road were a few pieces of cheap plastic from my 10 year old rusty vehicle.  My heart sunk.  It was quiet outside.  I kind of hoped that I’d get struck by lightining.  You think I’m being dramatic?  Probably.  But that’s how much of an animal lover I am.  I could have hit a TODDLER human and not felt as guilty.  Okay, maybe not a toddler.  But definitely an adult human.

And then we heard a sound that was somehow simultaneously awful and perfect.  He was in a bush way down in the ditch.  I needed to make sure he wasn’t slowly dying in agony.  Dawn started the descent while I went and grabbed a flashlight out of my car.  We found him.  We checked him over.  He purred like crazy.  He was obviously a man that had some serious street cred.  Scar on his forehead, split lip that was already scabbed over and healing.  And then a very bloodshot eye.  Probably from the impact of Bad Ass Kitty vs. Pansy Focus.  No broken bones, no soft tissue swelling, and only a slight chance of psychological damage.  This was obviously harder on me than it was the cat.

So.  The creature was really a tank dressed in a kitty costume because the only thing that got REALLY hurt through the ordeal was my psyche and the bottom inch of crappy plastic on my car.

Phew.  God is good.

We decided that the best thing for SuperManCat would be to walk him up a driveway we were near.  I figured he was probably headed home after holding his own in a bar fight and we could help him the next 100 yards or so.  A swing set in the yard told me that in the morning there would be a small child looking for their kitty.  Thank goodness he’ll be around to tell him about his kick-ass Thursday evening.  As long as they stop shouting and bring him some aspirin to help with the hangover.


One Response

  1. Whew! That’s one tough little kitty! Glad he’s ok. I have 2 kitties of my own and I think sometimes I like animals more than a lot of people that I come across. lol.

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