S.O.S

Someone asked me what the word ‘zen’ means.  I asked them what THEY thought it meant.

“Peaceful and meditative”, they said.

When you Google the word the first definition that flashes on your screen is ‘contemplative’.

I originally picked Jen Is Zen as my title because I was striving for peace within myself and contentment with my body.  And it rhymed!  The fact that the word means all of those things and also shares some space among the synonyms for thinking is perfect.  Because I think about myself quite a bit.  I may not admire myself, but I’m working to get to a place where I am content and peaceful. 

Some days are easier than others.  That goes with the territory of completely reworking ones food habits, I suppose.  It’s a journey and sometimes you reach for the danish even though a fruit plate is sitting RIGHT THERE.  No big deal.  Because, as humans, we are imperfect.  It has taken MONTHS for me to understand and accept that fact.

There are tons of tricks when a person is on a weight loss program.  Most of them aren’t healthy but there are plenty that make perfect sense.  There are two that stick out as I write this:

All things in moderation.  Tell people about your new lifestyle and build a support system.

I guess they are most prominent in my mind at the moment because they are the things that I’ve actually done that have led me to write this post at 114am on the Saturday morning before my first 5K.  I should be asleep.  But I’ve been tossing and turning because my heart is hurting and I’m angry.

I live in a small town.  Every year, there is a small fair for one week in July.  I haven’t been to the fair in ages and neither has my roommate.  Tonight we were walking around, going on rides, having a complete blast!  Laughing and trying to stay out of the 90 degree heat.  We shared a funnel cake by the gate to the grounds before walking up the hill to home.  It was a great day and we both came home worn out.  I went to bed early because I knew I’d need to get adequate rest before the race tomorrow.  A couple hours ago I checked my cell phone for the time when I woke up.  My cell phone is my alarm clock.  The time was blocked out because I had a text message waiting to be read. 

“Funnel cake, huh?  LMAO”

It was from a person that knows I have some serious food issues.  It was from a person I trusted.  It was from someone that is trying to lose a few pounds herself.  It was from a person THAT I HAVEN’T SEEN IN FOUR DAYS.  I mean, I’m not hiding it, but how did she even know about the funnel cake?  And what moved her to tease me about it?

There are other people that know I’m trying to lose weight.  Did one of them see me and not say hello?  And then tell everyone that I was *GASP* eating funnel cake?  The horror!!  I’m obviously off the wagon and will be ballooning up to 800 pounds by the next time the fair is in town.

Food police.  People that always feel the need to comment about what you’re putting in your mouth.  That smells good, that looks gross, I could never eat that, are you allowed to have that, did you just eat that whole thing, that has animal products in it, I don’t understand your food, that looks like I could eat it, can I have a bite…

I’m not a food commenter.  Although, I do say “That looks DELICIOUS!” a lot.  If someone asks my opinion I will gladly share.  If someone ridicules what I eat, I do my best not to cower in shame.  If someone questions what I eat, try as I might to avoid it, I begin to question it, too.  When someone texts me and teases me about funnel cake three hours after I’ve eaten it….I feel bad.

I can’t help it.  I just do.

I’m trying to be zen about it all.  I know I’m not alone in this.  How do you guys deal with Food Police?  How do you politely tell them to back the F off?  How do you not run to the bathroom and cry?  How do you tell them it’s none of their business?  Mostly, how do you heal yourself after all of those hurtful comments?

Thanks for reading.

Advertisements

3 Responses

  1. Funny how its so easy for us to point out what everyone else is doing wrong instead of looking in the mirror, huh? Human nature. Doesn’t make it right, doesn’t make it easier to deal with but we all do it. Sad, but true. Jen, you are making changes. You will never be perfect nor should anyone expect you to be perfect. AND, more importantly, you should be able to eat in small quantities something that may not be the BEST choice. As long as you continue to be honest with yourself and have more healthy foods & workouts then fat, crappy foods and couch sessions.

    I know easier said then done, but do not let the words of someone else bother you. Chances are, that person has a low self esteem and misery loves company. Don’t join her – stay postitive, continue to make healthy choices!

  2. whoever this person is just point them out the next time i am in town and i will make the bloody. bastards!

    congrats on the walk!! proud of you and mom #2!!!!
    luvayew

    p.s. what is the recipe for a green monster?
    p.p.s. (or is it p.s.s.?) we mad the diet coke cake and it was good! husband at HALF of it for breakfast yesterday.

  3. People can just be so cruel. I think it hurts the most when it comes from someone who struggles with food and weight themselves, because they should know what it feels like. Just makes me sick. I’m sorry someone did that to you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: