Go Back To Bed Or Buy A Lottery Ticket?

The Universe is a bully.  Remember that kid in junior high school who would pick on you and push you around yet you remained friends with them because, even if the joke was at your expense, it was still a damn funny joke?  That’s my Universe.

I sauntered into the gym this morning and found a gigantic chocolate cake with butter cream frosting staring at me.  There were paper plates and plastic forks milling around and the gym was empty.  I actually stopped and stared back at the delicious gym trespasser.  What in the hell are YOU doing HERE? I wondered.

I got to the gym later than usual and I was still the only person there.  That is highly unlikely because once all the kids are tucked safely in their classrooms my gym is usually over run by the housewives of this county.

My privacy to inhale the whole cake to workout didn’t last long, though.  Halfway through my workout I was surrounded by women.  It wasn’t nearly as fun as it sounds.  To my left was one of the most perfect specimens of female I’ve ever seen in real life.  She looked like she stepped out of a magazine and was perfectly coiffed for the gym in her little fitness outfit, probably a size 2.  Complete with running hat.  Long blond hair down to there and legs up to here.  I looked at her and thought, Damn.  But then she pulled out her Blackberry and started chatting it up with someone probably named Vanessa or Veronica.  Giggling and tossing her blond ponytail.  Talking on the phone so loudly that I could hear her over the sound of VH1 Jump Start Music Videos blaring through my headphones.  I have to admit, she looked ridiculous.

By the time I was done with the elliptical machine there were about twenty people in there.  None of them eating cake.  I went to hop on a treadmill to do a couple of miles and instead stared slack-jawed at the group of elderly gentlemen who were taking up all of the machines.  Octogenarians.  Seriously.  Good for them and everything but are you freaking kidding me?!

1) Cake

2)Blackberry Girl

3) Old Man Summit

Wow.  It’s okay, Universe.  I’m laughing, too.

30 days to go.

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2 Responses

  1. WAA ha ha ha ha! Hoo hoo hoo heee.
    Old Man Summit made me laugh out loud and wake my son, who is questioning my sanity.

    Thanks for the giggles!

  2. […] Guys Enjoy Irony, Right? Posted on October 25, 2009 by jeniszen Remember back here when I mentioned that The Universe has a great sense of humor?  Remember when I said I chuckled […]

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