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Waiting At The Rainbow Bridge

He was the most idiosyncratic cat I’ve ever known.  And you can go ahead and read that as:  BITCHY.

He was my ex-girlfriend’s cat and she warned me that no one was ever really able to get near him.  That he was a naughty kitten and liked to attack people.  I walked in to her apartment that first time, fearless, for some reason.  He ran right to me and stood up on his hind legs with his front legs stretched up…like a toddler begging to be carried.  I picked him up and it was cemented in fate.  Tigger was officially my cat and he greeted me that way every single time I walked through the front door for the rest of his life.

I was with that girlfriend for a long time and when it ended, I took Tigger with me.  I was the only one he loved.  He was absolutely a one-woman cat.  He would learn to tolerate others but never really trusted them.  One wrong touch and he’d swat at hands and show his demon side.

Tiggs got more like a queen as he got older.  I joked that he was a bitchy gay man and I was his hag.

Eventually…gradually and then suddenly, it got to the point where I wouldn’t have people over to my house.  Not without a lot of warnings and cautions about the cat.  Don’t touch the cat!  Ignore the cat!  And then I’d be a bundle of nervous energy until they left.

Gradually and then suddenly, like bankruptcy, Tigger became a liability.

Making this decision was unbelievably difficult.  He was always great with me.  Until he wasn’t.  He’d spiral when guests came over and sink into some sort of blind rage.  He couldn’t see me when he was so terrified and aggressive.  He couldn’t see me and I couldn’t calm him down.

He became scary.  Make no mistake, I considered just living with him and sequestering myself from the rest of the world, never having family or friends over until he died of natural causes.  I love animals more than humans, but even I had to admit that that lifestyle choice wouldn’t have been fair to me.

For months I spent hundreds of dollars and tried all sorts of pills and potions to calm him down.  They made him sick and acutely UN-Tigger. I put it off because of this reason or that reason.  I ran out of reasons last week.

And so I had to euthanize him.

This was a very bad day.

I love you, Tiggs.  You were my feisty and fierce companion.  Right up until the very end.  You were there when the rest of the world wasn’t.  I told you my deepest, darkest secrets.  You would only purr in response and snuggle me when I cried.  You were with me through the darkest period of my entire life.

You were the best kitty…even if you refused to show your softer side to the rest of the world.

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5 Responses

  1. awww babe. you did the right thing, even if it doesn’t feel like it all the time. he was very scary at the end, and i knew him in the beginning when he was bitchy and just a little scary.

    luv you

  2. I know that was a difficult decision. I’m so sorry that you had to make it. *hugs*

  3. i’m so sorry. you definitely made the right decision, and i hope you can remember the good things in the future. you’ll be in my thoughts 🙂

  4. I’m so sorry to hear this, Jen. My childhood cat was my only outlet during a lot of rought times, and I cried for days when I had to put her down. I’ll be thinking of you!

  5. Know what sucks about reading back issue posts? Finding out stuff like this. I know exactly how you feel my friend. I’m sorry for your loss.

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